


the basics of loving Andrew Minyard

by starfleetbanana



Category: All For the Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-10
Updated: 2016-09-10
Packaged: 2018-08-14 06:31:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8002063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starfleetbanana/pseuds/starfleetbanana
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"There’s a hundred and one things to know about Andrew before deciding you’re gonna stay, but it’d taken Neil less than eight of them to know he’d be there even if he didn’t ask him to do so. Those are things Andrew’s never saying out loud if it means mentioning the words “love” and “Neil” less than an hour apart".</p>
<p>Also known as "I tried to write a 5+1, but it became a never ending list of things Neil gets about Andrew that no one does"</p>
            </blockquote>





	the basics of loving Andrew Minyard

**Author's Note:**

> I failed at 5+1 because I wanted to do the same thing I did with Andrew but from Neil's point of view except I messed it up because I love Andrew so much everything he does is lovable. 
> 
> Mentions of Allison/Renee (someday I'll write about them).

Andrew is generally a mystery to everybody. His words are never enough to get something significant out of him, and he’s not really into interacting with everyone who says hi because he doesn’t care about being polite. If you’re lucky he’ll acknowledge your existence.

The Foxes consider themselves lucky enough to be alive when sharing a floor with them, so they wonder how Neil’s still alive after sharing a room with him. Nicky says he saw them sharing a bed once but it became a bet instead of yet another mystery.

Neil thinks it’s easy. Andrew’s the kind of person who can easily catch your interest if you’ve no survival instinct. He knows it’s weird because he’s been fighting for nineteen years to stay alive and suddenly a goalkeeper and Exy made him realise he wanted more than that. Neil’s always wanted so much it’s weird to finally have something to hold onto nevermind its fragility. In other words, Andrew’s easy to love. He’s never loved anyone like that before so he just takes his time listening to Andrew, something that not a lot of people have done for him.

Nicky suggested he write a list and Neil had looked at him really wondering if that was a great idea since he didn’t want anyone else to figure out how to love Andrew Minyard the way he did.

Andrew wasn’t easy to understand. Most people who knew him didn’t really try and it had taken Neil some time to get used to his reactions but he’s finally mastered the whole thing, or so he thinks.

There’s a hundred and one things to know about Andrew before deciding you’re gonna stay, but it’d taken Neil less than eight of them to know he’d be there even if he didn’t ask him to do so. Those are things Andrew’s never saying out loud if it means mentioning the words “love” and “Neil” less than an hour apart.

Andrew doesn’t want any of his actions overanalysed unless he’s trying to show one way or another that he cares. He’s got too many people waiting for him to lash out and do something wrong to tear him apart. He doesn’t need somebody else to judge what his intent is. He doesn’t need people to think any of his actions mean something else, except for when he reaches for Neil. Andrew’s undecipherable and Neil’s okay with that, he too understands what it’s like to have people on your back waiting for you to slip up, except in his case it was his father’s people instead of the police.

He cares, he deeply cares about everyone he loves, even if he doesn’t like talking about it. He cares too much when he offers him a spoonful of ice cream and when he tells him to go to bed. He did it even before Neil really mattered to him because even then he had to let out how important this person was for the whole plan. He huffs at the thought of Neil always having meant too much to him. He’s getting used to finally worrying about someone enough to look for the details.

He doesn’t give a shit if Kevin stops sleeping for a week or if Nicky cries because he’d thought he’d be able to go to Germany, because it’s a different kind of caring. He cares about Neil’s decisions because he’s trying to get to know this real version of Neil Josten. Neil respects that enough a cigarette butt on the rooftop of Fox Tower means much more than aesthetics and loneliness, but he also knows he can’t mention it.

Andrew’s allowed to feel even when he says he doesn’t. Sometimes he has bad days and he can’t even manage to get out of bed, probably because he’s not willing to do much without his drugs, but Neil knows he doesn’t want a goodbye kiss, or a “see you later”. He doesn’t want to be seen, he wants to become nothing and forget he can’t. He’s learnt to survive by himself and accept what he’s got. He even enjoys the way his brain seems to mess up the most normal things, but some days he wants the quiet of an empty room to consume him. He wants to forget all the blood he’s seen and his scars and the stares, he wants his body to stop remembering what it’s like to be hurt, how Neil’s touch feels on him.

He never feels anything but on bad days everything comes crashing down and he’s hurt, he’s a problem child no one wants again and something shatters inside him as he tries to go back to that person that’s so numb nothing can make him feel awake. Outside everything’s the same, whereas on the inside everything feels like ice.

Neil has to leave knowing it’s not him. He has to go to class and practice, and make sure no one asks too much. He has to sleep somewhere else and avoid touching him for a while. Not only because he wants to stay alive but because he wants to understand.

There are many things about them that are hard to get a grasp on. They seem to have some kind of code working for them and honestly if any of the Foxes ever understands how they work Neil’s pretty sure everyone would pay them to say something else.

He’s used to the way Allison uses every second of her existence to make sure Renee feels loved, and the way Matt and Dan really like holding hands as much as Nicky needs to hug Erik every time he sees him, but Neil doesn’t get it.

Andrew’s touch is definitely reassuring and it makes Neil feel so much like himself for a moment it’s shocking because he _is_ Neil Josten now. Andrew doesn’t need that reassurance as much as he simply needs his presence.

He never questioned the fact Andrew didn’t like to be touched but it was still hard to understand when before their thing started Andrew had used his body to threaten him so many times. It isn’t about touching itself but how it’s done and knowing that kills Neil because he can’t prove he won’t hurt him like others had. It’s a bit too sentimental for the two of them to think of that, but Andrew keeps asking again and again doing the same for him.

Andrew’d told him once he never asked for anything, but he had and he still does because he needs to know he’s not that kind of person. There aren’t a lot of things Andrew asks for, though sometimes he does in bed because that’s his only way to communicate with Neil to mke everything clear. Then again, before Neil even had the time to think of how his hate for Andrew was turning into something else, he’d asked him to stay, he’d _made_ him stay more than once.

No matter what Andrew will always ask for consent, he’ll always let him know he has a choice. He’d made his decision because next to Andrew was the safest and most content he’d ever be.

Staying also meant Andrew’s gonna do whatever’s necessary to protect him. Protection’s all Andrew can give to someone, proven by how hard he tries to keep his brother, his cousin, Nicky and Renee safe fighting with tooth and nail. He doesn’t have anything to offer beside his knives and the violent thoughts he can never get rid of and Neil’s glad nothing can stop him even if it endangers the both of them because that makes him a fox.

He learns he can’t stop Andrew from fucking up or hurting someone and however twisted it might seem for people in healthy relationships he’s glad Andrew finds an outlet on making holes on the wall with his bare hands. What has always been seen as a weakness and a problem in Andrew, he sees as the only thing that keeps him relatively stable.

Andrew wants him to remember. He wants him to keep everything he’s ever said and done inside a metaphorical safe in his head because each of the things he does means something. Andrew needs to know he remember he’s there, he’ll protect him even if Neil’s supposed to be safe thanks to Ichirou. There are too many things he said when he was high that he really meant and he can’t let go of so he’ll never let Neil let go of them either. He wants him to know he’s got to stay, he’s got to listen, he has to say the right thing and let him do things at his own pace. It can take years –certain things do take a few years to get from Andrew-, but that’s okay because now Neil Josten has all the time in the world to _stay._

Another thing that’s unforgettable about Andrew is how many words he hates. Besides the one time he mentioned the Foxes were his family and Andrew answered Nathan was also his family and he felt like he was gonna get sick, he’s never said the f word again and he never will. He knows Andrew doesn’t want to hurt him but he says things like that because thinking of _family_ has hurt and betrayed him way too many times.

“Please” is another word he can’t stand. Neil’s used to being independent so he never asks for anything and that word isn’t really necessary for him but he learns the hard way he can’t use it. Sometimes it just leaves his lips without permission when Andrew’s touching him because he can’t stand it and he needs him so much. It comes soft and broken and Andrew looks at him before walking toward his bed.

He’s said yes a million times before but the word leaves a bitter taste in his mouth and he hopes Andrew won’t have a nightmare that night. He knows why he can’t say it but it’s so hard to remember when he finally has something to ask for. His throat burns for release as he tries to swallow the word again and again until it disappears altogether from his brain replaces by Andrew’s lips on him.

Neil can’t promise anything either. It isn’t a problem because it’s just not something he’s ever done. The only thing he’d ever promise was to keep running to his mother as she died, but then the foxes had appeared and all his willpower to run away turned into nothing with time. He isn’t good at promises, and he’s glad he isn’t because Andrew hates promises. He doesn’t have a problem with them per se, but with the people who’ve always so blatantly lied to him.

Neil only made one promise that matters, he’s promised himself to always be honest with Andrew, to say yes only when he means it even if he’s convinced he’s always gonna say yes.

 


End file.
